Goodbye, Goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye!

It's time to go.

Goodbye, goodbye.

I don't wanna go!

This is how our goodbye song starts, and I think this was the first day I agreed with the last line.  We sang it every day before going out to the buses.  My kids sang it to me for the last time today at school. I couldn't sing with them, of course, because I was too busy trying to not cry more than necessary. These are my kids. They're the only ones I've got, and I love them.  We had such a great year together.  Not every day was perfect by any means, but boy we had fun.  I made a point to just enjoy our last day together.  We worked for the first hour and a half, but then we watched Toy Story.  During the credits it played "You've Got A Friend in Me."  I told them to listen to the words, and everyone was silent.  Their smiles turned downwards, though, probably mostly from seeing their teacher sad, so after that song we livened it up a bit.  I played their favorite "dance party" song and let them sing and dance as loud as they wanted to "Alabama, Mississippi " (while eating popsicles--what more could a first grader ask for?)  It's a silly, pointless song, but for some reason they love it.  I wish I could post the picture I took of them dancing.  It was so cute.  We boogied for a couple more songs and then lined up to leave and they sang the goodbye song for me.  They all gave me a hug--a few with tears in their eyes, and all of them telling me they'd miss me and that they loved me.  That just made me less able to speak, so I just hugged tighter.  They know I love them.

You know what always made my day, even though it's a completely normal, simple mistake kids make?  When they call me "mom" and even "grandma."  What a compliment.  I miss them already.

C.S. Lewis is Amazing

The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis


My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Reading this book was a spiritual experience. The first chapter introduced into Narnia priestcraft and a ridiculous but powerful anti-Christ. This quickly resulted in separating the true followers of Aslan from those who were "for themselves". Even when the lie of the anti-Christ was revealed, the seeds of mistrust and doubt had been sown. I saw more clearly why some people nowadays struggle so much to accept Christianity in any form. They realize that one form is a hoax, and they're either resentful of being tricked or afraid of putting their faith in something else that might turn out to be manufactured by a self-serving fake. I kept waiting for everything to turn out right again in Narnia, but that's not how it works at the end of a world. That part is scary. The ending is not just temporary happiness, though. It's everlasting--and for most, it holds the promise of always moving "onward and upward" into greater happiness and a more pure reality. I am astounded at how much C.S. Lewis understood about the gospel and how clearly he taught it to me through my experiences in Narnia--especially in this book. The last 40 or 50 pages helped me understand and experience the temple and three degrees of glory more than anything else I've read. Instead of picturing the three degrees of glory as three separate worlds, now I picture one beautiful place where only those who allow themselves to see it can. There are those like the dwarves who will never move past the gateway, taste more than rotting apples, or see more than darkness. There are those honest-hearted who are surprised they're there with Aslan, though they had devoted their lives to serving another god. Those and other pure-hearted will forever move on into what is higher and happier and more REAL. I highly recommend this book. It was truly enlightening.




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Lesson Learned

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a morningside with Wendy Nelson and Sherri Dew.  It was wonderful.  Sister Nelson (Elder Russell M. Nelson's wife) said we need to infuse our lives with holiness.  At first, I wondered if I'd done the right thing in going to this meeting, because I came to be uplifted, not to have something else added to my list of inadequacies.  Thankfully, though, she suggested we choose one thing each day to do with holiness, or as a holy woman would do it.  That sounded reasonable, and she made it clear that's enough to get us closer to the spirit and feeling happier, so I wouldn't need to try being holy all the time.  I decided to try this, and the pattern I see already is that just by consecrating that one moment of my day to the Lord, I feel like I did something meaningful that day.  This morning, I got ready for church like I thought a holy woman would.  I envisioned myself doing it like my mom did while I was growing up--church music playing, waking up early enough to not be in a hurry, letting things that I could take personally just roll off my back.  I found myself biting my tongue a couple times instead of saying a biting remark to my husband.  After the initial disappointment in not getting to have the last word (I know this is really awful of me), it felt really good. Amazingly, we arrived to church 5 minutes early (rarely happens), and I had the awareness to notice a new couple behind us and the guts and time to introduce myself.  We ended up sitting by them for the next three hours and making friends.  All of this happened just because I decided to get ready for the day with holiness.  This has helped me see the Lord's hand in my day and notice the blessings he's given me for trying to be a little better. 

During Relief Society, the teacher read some notes from five or six anonymous women in the room sharing their worries and fears.  One sister said she worries about helping her son who was just diagnosed with ADHD and what she'll do when her husband is away from their family for two months. Another woman said she feels alone and different from everyone since struggling with breast cancer. An elderly woman said she's afraid of being a lonely shut-in for the rest of her life.  There were others, but all of them shared real, honest, valid fears and concerns.  I knew right away what I would write if she'd handed me a paper.  I want to be a mother more than anything, but no matter what we do, it hasn't happened yet. It's completely out of our control, which drives me crazy.  If I know just what I'd write, then I'm sure every other woman in that room knew exactly what they would write.  I have to be more friendly and reach out to others.  This proved to me that no matter how perfect and happy others' lives may seem, everyone has fears and unfulfilled dreams.  We all need each other and our Savior to get through the rough times.  Like Sherri Dew said yesterday, there is power in us to bless and heal others.  That's what Relief Society is for.